I’m a procrastiplanner. Basically, I procrastinate by doing something constructive, thus casting the illusion of productivity when I’m really just avoiding updating my website, working on my comic, or writing my novel. I tend to procrastiplan the most through cooking. One of my many jobs as a parent is to be a full-time child nutritionist. And it isn’t real, wholesome Dinosaur food if I don’t make every little thing from scratch. I apparently like to torture myself.
It doesn’t help when someone in my house is sick. Then I go into full-on caregiver mode. Nothing I need will get done until the sick person is comfortable with a cup of tea and bowls of healing soup, the most magical potion in every household, lovingly prepared fresh. My husband is usually the one who benefits from this sweet deal. I keep him on a medication schedule, set him up with blankets, movies, video games, toast, comfy pillows, mentholated rub, and snacks upon snacks upon snacks with mugs and mugs of hot beverages that he won’t drink. He sleeps for a day or two and is fine.
Then it’s my turn. It definitely takes more than a day or two for me to pull out of any sickness. My body hates me.
But sometimes, I’m not derailed by sickness. Sometimes, I’m derailed by common, everyday occurrences. Things like a rumbly in my tumbly. This is Procrastination Omelet Stuffing (POS for short – it didn’t come out right.)
Procrastination Omelet Stuffing of DOOM.
I just can’t help myself. One minute, I’m fully committed to writing a blog post or setting up my newsletter when BAM! The urge to premake my breakfast for a week slams into me like a food truck Tokyo drifting into a parallel parking space. I rationalize my actions by telling myself that doing all of this food prep is really going to free up my work week … I know it won’t. This isn’t planned prep. This is spontaneous avoidance prep, springing to life with a tummy that apparently likes to sing along to Deathklok. Oh, I’m hungry anyway, so really I’m just making extra for later …
Omelet filling of LIES portioned perfectly with a whole serving of nutritious vegetables in every freezer bag.
I’m just deluding myself. Once I start cooking it’s over. Done. There will be no real productivity. Work will continue to sit by the wayside. Once I cook I have to clean, and that just starts a whole other procrastination spiral into tidying up hell. If you give a work-from-home cartoonist a spray bottle, she’ll have to find a sponge to scrub the walls. As she scrubs the walls, she’ll notice a nail sticking out from the molding and have to go find a hammer … The upside is that I’ve become a pretty awesome cook and handyperson.
Procrastination omelet; beautifully turned out and topped with merlot salt, chiffonade basil, and fresh cracked black pepper because I’m fancy as fuck. Yes, I did stage this photo in my messy outdated kitchen. You can’t tell because you’re distracted by glorious sunlight.
And how was my omelet, you ask? I spent an hour and a half chopping peppers, mushrooms, shallots, and tomatoes, sautéing them until soft and garlicky with a special olive oil. I lovingly sprinkled salt and pepper and then bagged all the extra filling as I swirled freshly beaten eggs in the pan. The cheese melted deliciously over a soft, bright yellow disk of eggy goodness. I managed to flip it out on the plate like a goddamned professional …
Best served cold …
Hi, I’m Kali. I’m a procrastiplanner and I procrastinated eating my procrastination omelet to write a blog post.